Be Inspired

Random quotes I found on cards:

Worrying does not make the future easier, it only makes the present harder.

You cant be everything to everyone, but you can be something to someone.

Treasure this day and treasure yourself, neither will ever happen again

Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet

Life is what happens while you are making other plans

Try not to let yesterday use up too much of today

If you find yourself working for something that is fruitless or pointless, stop. Dont fight for anything you don’t see value in. You will be surprised how many others join you in the protest. 

just because you have never been somewhere does not mean you don’t belong there. Just because its not in your job description doesn’t mean you cant do it. Only you can decide which league you really belong in.

You deserve what you have? maybe a little, what you don’t have? probably not. acknowledge the roles that coincidence, chance, systematic processes and maybe even luck play into your world. 

The bicycle accident

“My story” A portion taken from the book I am publishing from a chapter about the bicycle accident last August ………….From fleeting memories surrounding the accident, I truly have no recollection of what happened that brought me to that point on that day. I remember waking up on a backboard c-collared in the back of an ambulance. As I lifted my hand to my head to see what hurt so bad, I felt my skull shift in two pieces and felt soft tissue beneath. As a nurse my next assessment was to check if there was bleeding from the ear. As I moved my hand down my skull and removed my finger from my ear to see blood and clear fluid flowing out, I knew from my medical background that was a fatal sign. The paramedic placed a non-re-breather mask over my face and said, “Stay with us we aren’t going to lose you now”. I remember looking up as I heard the sirens and feeling as though I was fading away and falling down a ravine. As I drifted off I knew at that moment I was either slipping into a coma due to the brain injury or I was dying due to the intracranial pressure buildup and bleeding out. I remember praying desperately at that moment that God would give me a second chance and keep me alive and I asked him to forgive me for wasting my life by sitting on the couch and feeling depressed. It was in that moment I knew my life was worth so much more than what I allowed myself to give credit for. In that moment all color surrounding me turned white, I slipped back into unconsciousness not knowing what the outcome would be. The ambulance was on their lunch break and had driven down the side street I was riding my bicycle on. They just happened to be on scene the moment I hit the sidewalk. Talk about miracles! I found that out after looking up my medical records from that day. Minutes later, I woke up in the resuscitation room of the local trauma center. Trauma surgeons, neurologists, doctors, nurses and residents surrounded me. I looked up and at that moment and regardless of the pain I was in I knew that I was alive. That was the moment I knew that I was alive for a purpose and everything was going to be ok. Even if I ended up paralyzed.

 I remember them asking me if I had anybody they could call to notify. In that moment when I said, “No”, I was not depressed like I thought I would be when I had to make that statement. At the time it didn’t matter that I didn’t have family or a support system, all that mattered was the fact that I was alive. I had a peace in that situation that I didn’t think was possible.

Denial?

Lately I have been going through a lot of life changes. I sometimes wonder if I am in denial about certain things. For example, I recently got a divorce. That was a big life change. I had gotten married and started building a life with somebody, we were married for 5 years. I knew exactly where we were going to be living because we bought a place. I knew exactly where our careers were going, because we were stable and established. All the family functions were set. There were not too many questions about what our future would look like other than life’s normal curveballs. When I got divorced I started all over in my own from scratch. I walked away from everything and started at square one. I built this temporary life for myself the past year and now it is time to start making some more decisions on where to go next and what I want to do with my life and even choosing where I am supposed to live now.

As I look for a place I find myself trying to get ” back where I was” I keep wanting things set up how they were and to go in the same direction they went in when I was a married woman. Now that I am single again I feel like I don’t belong or that I don’t fit in with my own age group. Being 24 years old and having gone through what I have with a divorce on top of I makes it difficult to relate. As I go on my search for a new place , somebody asked me if I wanted a roommate. My first response was , no way because I am an independent career woman who is past ha phase in my life. But really, am I? I have to remind myself that I am starting over. I am back to square one. So who is to say that I shouldn’t have roommates or that I have to live alone like any other divorced woman would. I am still trying to figure that out. It is humbling. I am realizing that I have a lot to figure out still and I don’t know what direction is the “right one” but then again ….what decision ever really is the “right one” any decision you make will be he way it is going to go…..and you roll with it from there….I’m excited for this new chapter in my life. I am choosing to look at it as a new adventure. Starting from baseline is better than starting in the negative, and my situation is. Happier one now in my own personal life, so….life is good….whichever way it goes

With every goodbye you learn…

This poem has kept my mind straight and kept me on track through a lot of loss and change in life….

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of the child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.
After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and you learn…
With every goodbye you learn.

Sneak preview from my book that is currently being edited:

“Overall, without an inward determination of resilience, things would look a lot different now. As my life story was being written for me according to what was predestined to happen, I took the pen back. I decided that my life was not going to go the way that everybody expected it would go. I overcame obstacles, and I persevered through the hard times. I kept my eyes focused on what was ahead and I kept hope in my heart. I knew that God had a bigger plan and purpose for my life and that it was possible for me to succeed. I knew that everything that I have been through was for a purpose. I knew deep inside that someday I would somehow help others. Keeping that goal in mind pushed me forward and gave my life purpose. The sense of helping others who struggled as I did and continuing to move forward and not look back at the past was what allowed me to get to where I am now. I didn’t end up on the streets in the end. I spent some time there and I learned a lot about life, but I decided that that wasn’t going to be my life. Your final destination is all about your choice. You have the choice to be where you want to be in life. The typical ending of the life you are born into should not cloud your view of where you are able to end up. If I wanted to stay in the streets I could have. I had friends there; I had the hook ups and the connections to make it just fine living on the streets. I could make it through each day just fine and get by in everyday life and just barely make it by leaning on friends and the people that could come and my pathway. It was always an option to rely on getting help from others. I decided I wasn’t going to stand around taking hand outs to get by. I chose to be one that is able to give help. I went from being somebody who is needy to somebody who helps the needy. I made that a goal. There were times where I needed the help and I took it when I had to. Now is the time that I’m finally able to be the one to help. Who you were yesterday does not make you who you are today. I was able to learn that lesson in life. Just because my past told me that I was supposed and up in a certain way in the future, did not mean that that I was going to let that happen.”

My adoption day

My adoption day

Adoption seems so simple,
and yet it causes so much pain inside

It can bring so much joy,
but snatches away a birthmother’s pride

It gives a child a family,
While it loses another

It can bring a child a better life,
but knowing nothing of its original mother

It ensures a stable future,
While forgetting about the past

It gives a child security,
While the questions asked are always last

It brings a child love,
While bringing a double self

It gives a birthmother hope to go on,
And gives the child emotions that
have never been felt

It can bring smiles and laughter,
While causing many tears

It can make a dark day shine bright,
and yet cause so many fears

While adoption can be so complex,
We might as well agree,

We may not totally understand,
but this is how God wanted it to be!