Forced Rest

Forced Rest

I am a workaholic and it is hard for me to slow down. The MVC I was in forced me to take some time off work. I was not a fan at the time, because I hate to even call in sick. during the time that I was off I was able to finish writing and finish the editing process of a book I was working on. The book was finally finished and I published it this week .( http://www.createspace.com/4271634 ) That was a huge accomplishment for me. It cleared a lot of stress that I was holding in. At the same time it opened up a lot of stress as well. The book is an autobiography so having my story made public is a big deal. I have been struggling with the fact that people who know me and are close to me are going to see the back story of what I went through to get where I am today. The target audience is people who are going through rough times and faced with a depression that so many people go through when we dont think we can stand back up. The theme is resilience. Even through this accident, I am recovering and will be going through 6 weeks of physical therapy to get back to baseline. My goal is never to get back to baseline but to end up farther ahead. that should be everyones goal….never aim to get “back to where you were” always aim to be better than what you were. Time changes everything. you never know what tomorrow will bring. all we know is where yesterday took us. If we don’t want the yesterday to continue we need to change something. If you don’t like where you are headed in life change directions. Sometimes a Higher Power will make that choice for you and slow you down if you don’t listen right away to what your heart is telling you to do. I may have been in a bad car accident but there are many silver linings and there is always hope….and things will end up brighter because I am choosing for them to be.

Have your cake and eat it too

The thought came to me today since it is my birthday that generally people give you birthday cake. Sometimes if you have more than one friend who makes your cake you get a couple different cakes. If you are really fortunate and have a lot of friends you may have five people show up with cakes and sometimes cupcakes. 🙂 Regardless of how many cakes you have on your birthday most likely you will only eat one piece. The cakes will still be there the following days and you can try a little bit of each one but you personally will never fully finish all of the cakes on your own. It helps to have friends over and share what you have been given.

Thinking about this I related it to life. Sometimes people are very blessed in their own life and they have all the “cake” they can ever want and all the friends anybody could want. The cake in the analogy refers to monetary items of blessings in life. You can have everything that you ever wanted but yet still it is more than you will ever need. Sometimes having too much of a good thing makes you sick of the good thing and then you crave less. You begin to crave simplicity. Growing up, I was not fortunate to have all the cakes given to me. I was fortunate to get a piece of somebody else’s cake at one time or another. Thinking about this really made me understand that just because you have a lot does not necessarily mean that you need a lot. I want to strive to be content with having less. It is also my goal but if I do become blessed with multiple cakes and many friends I want to be able to share what I have with others, Otherwise it will just go to waste because nobody can eat all those cakes alone. I have come far in life from where I started the book I published, “taking back the pen” ( http://www.createspace.com/4271634 ) Goes through the hard times that I’ve had in life. The book goes through how I became successful and got my self where I am today regardless of having nothing. I learned how to “make my own cakes in life”. Always remember that no matter how little you have you can always get more. And no matter how much you have you can always end up with less. If you have a lot it will go to waste eventually so make the best of it and share with those around you pay it forward bless others and you too will be blessed.

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TOP STORY: I have published my autobiography

I have been working on this for many years and I have had a lot of set backs while writing this book but at the same time an equal amount of motivation to keep moving on with it. I have finally finished it and I self-published through create space. The book is available online.  I will include the link here if you would like to order a copy. This is a story of trials and perseverance though the unconventional events and heartbreak I faced in life . It is the story of how I was dealt a bad hand of cards yet was able to succeed through the rough times. If you know of anybody who is going through a hard time in life and is struggling to move forward or find success in hard circumstances please let them know about this book. This book is meant to encourage motivate and inspire. This is the story of my life. This is a story that has a purpose. Please feel free to come back to my blog and give me your thoughts and opinions or get ahold of me if you want to debrief afterwards. I won’t claim to be an awesome writer, but I will claim to have a GREAT STORY!

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The book is available to order online as a hard copy. Through this link:

http://www.createspace.com/4271634

SNEAK PREVIEW: My Prologue

My book will be published in a few days….here is the prologue….

When you fly as much as I do, you end up sitting next to countless fellow passengers.  Some you talk to, some you don’t.  Some you acknowledge with little more than a nod before you both continue your flight, completely oblivious to each other.  Some you remember, most you don’t.  But some are entirely different.  Some change how you see the world and your place in it.

 When Rachel sat down next to me on a flight from Atlanta, engaging a fellow passenger was the last thing I wanted.  I was on the final leg of a return trip from Australia, barely having slept in over a day.  I would happily have zoned out, waiting for the landing gear to touch ground again.  But she isn’t the kind of girl who lets you zone out when she’s sitting next to you. So I gave her my attention.  And thank God I did.  Yes, at first blush she was remarkably engaging – so much so, that someone not paying attention might have missed telltale signs of darker times in her past.  She was full of life and optimism.  She even made me laugh about my upcoming divorce.  But between her references to adoption as a child, divorce at a very young age, and a nearly fatal accident only a few months earlier, there was clearly much more below the surface of that effervescent personality.

 When she mentioned why she had been in Atlanta: a multi-day Christian worship event I was suddenly dubious.  I’ve met too many well-meaning but clueless souls who think they are holy because they mention God and Jesus in every other sentence.  I was almost disappointed as I wondered if she was one of them.  What I didn’t know at the time was that her faith had been tested more than I could imagine.  It had done more than endure those trials – it was a large part of the strength that allowed her to conquer them.

The next time you sit next to a woman on a plane, on the bus, or at a restaurant, you may be meeting someone who has been the victim of child abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, and domestic violence.  She may be smiling.  She may in fact be so beautiful and full of life that she is downright magnetic.  But she may be hiding things darker than anything you can imagine.

 The book you’re holding tells a true story of climbing that mountain – from abuse and suffering that would break the strongest people you know to a love of people and of life few people ever achieve.  “Taking Back the Pen” is an apt title.  We came up with it while sitting on my kitchen floor after a few cocktails, only months after we met on that plane.  It is a tragedy that for many women whose lives mirror the first few chapters of this book, the happy ending you will read does not materialize.  They end up either continuing to live in abuse or losing their way somehow.  This book is proof that their stories don’t have to end the way they so often do.

 Everybody has a story. Unless you take the time to ask, you will never know what lies behind a smile. If you meet the author of this book you would never know the horror she has lived through. You would see a beautiful girl who loves her life and her job with more friends then she can count. It’s not that she’s hiding her past; she’s simply not letting it define her. If you are experiencing abuse, poverty, depression, or any of the other troubles that befall people making their way in the world, these pages will hopefully speak to you.  Even if you’re not, they contain a story that will touch and inspire you to help others. 

After all, the next time you sit on a plane, there may be a story still being written sitting next to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SUCCESS: Endurance and Persistance

It is easy to lose steam when you push so hard in life and you don’t feel like you are going anywhere. When we push ourselves too hard we get burnt out and we  lose hope. With that follows depression. We don’t get where we are headed and that is depressing. The rush and burden of trying to be successful builds so much anxiety within us. It is good to be motivated and to push forward. There also has to be a balance to avoid the burnout and disappointment. The key is to be persistent and determined.  If you have an end goal of where you see yourself in mind that will allow you to stay focused. If you have that goal it is important to be persistent until you reach that goal. That means to be persistent through the downfalls and setbacks as well. The setbacks are what cause most people to lose their flame. In order to be successful with this you have to realize that it will take time. You MUST be patient with yourself. We are our own biggest critic. Patience is key. We must also be sympathetic and compassionate with ourself. We need to learn to encourage and motivate ourselves. We cant depend on others to do so for us.

 It is easy for us to talk about our goals in life. The hard part is to accomplish them. that is where the determination and desire to succeed comes in. In life what you hope and wish for doesn’t count. What counts are the actions you put into those hopes and dreams. You need to live out your dreams rather than just reflecting and hoping towards them.  When you succeed you are happy. Realizing that you have accomplished your goals builds confidence. the phrase “fake it till you make it” isnt such a bad idea. Put on a confident smile and move forward as though nothing can stop you. When you reach your goal in the end you will realize that you weren’t just “faking it” because you have finally made it. 

1. Start with the persistence necessary to succeed.

2. Develop habits of determination and be persistent until you make progress.

3. When you start to move forward and progress in life your new found self confidence will take you the rest of the way.

4. Be patient with yourself and be forgiving of your own mistakes. It takes time. 

Money Talks….But It Doesn’t Walk

Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright 
But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night ..Shania Twain was on to something. People have said over and over that money cant buy happiness. This is very true. It can buy a lot of things, and those things may make you happy but it is all temporary. They  also say money cant buy love. I believe that is a lie. Money buys “love” or what people think is love anyways. I have seen it over and over again when people I know date guys, one of the first things they are excited about is how much money their boyfriend makes. Instantly the talks go on and on about how when they get married they will do this and that and she wont have to work anymore and maybe she will just be a stay at home mom because the guy makes enough money ad is very sucessful. Sometimes I hear people talk about how when they look for a guy they have to make sure that he makes enough money to support her lifestyle. It all comes back to the initial deal breaker of opening yourself up to being in a relationship with somebody is whether or not they have a good enough job or make enough money to purse a relationship. I see this play out and I get it, it is nice to be with a man who can support you and make you feel taken care of. BUT at the end of the day when it all comes down to it, what was the relationship based on. If you date a guy with a lot of money how can you be sure that you are truly in love with him? Anybody can convince  themself that they love somebody when things are comfortable. BUT what happens when that comfort goes away. What happens when the man you are with loses his job, his business fails and you have to move into an apartment rather than the gorgeous home you built? What happens when those situations change? Things start to get rough because the comfort is gone. That is what happens when you put the amount of money that somebody makes onto the table when considering a relationship. At any point in time all of that can change and everything can be lost. I have seen a few breakups ad even divorces lately based on this problem and it really saddened me yet opened my eyes more.  Nothing is a guarantee in life. After my recent car accident I was taken off work due to the need for physical therapy being needed for my injuries before I go back again. What if I was married and the major source of income for my family, and what If I was permanently disabled in that accident and lost my career in nursing because I couldn’t work. The whole financial picture would change. That is the scenario that can happen to anybody at any moment and that is why I have come to learn that it should never be placed on the table for determining wether you are going to date somebody based on how much money they make or what they do for a living. It seems like a simple thing, and people tend to get really defensive when this is brought up, but really when it comes down to it, that is a huge factor affecting so many people today. In the bible it says, “the love of money is the root of all evil” that is very true. Money does terrible things to people. a lot of divorces get really ugly and it is usually the battle over finances. Greed is a terrible disease and it is easy to catch.  If you fall in love with somebody it should be because you cannot stand to be way from that person, and that person should be your best friend and complete you not just buy you dinner. When you have a relationship built on a solid friendship and good values it builds a good foundation.  I am in no way saying that if the person you are with makes a lot of money and you are “rich: that is a bad thing. it is not a bad thing. It just makes it easy to cloud the view on what a relationship is based on. 

I have dated a lot of wealthy people and I have learned a lot about them but one thing I didnt cave into was them using their wealth as power over me. I have dated men with the whole ferrari collection in their garage, men with private jets and men with more money than CHASE bank. When people have money it is easy for them to feel powerful. I have had people try many times to use their wealth to gain the upper had in the relationship and it doesnt even phase me anymore. I am able to see right through it now and to see the whole picture.  I can sit down with a guy that works at the corner car wash and have just as good of a conversation with him as the guy who owns a buisness and has a private jet. The truth is…at any moment the wealth can get taken away, and if I was dating the rich guy and happy with the lifestyle and all of a sudden he lost everything and had to get a job down the street at the car wash in order to pay bills, would I still love him the same…..the answer better be yes, and if you can run that scenario by anybody you are dating you will know deep inside where the root of the attraction is coming from. It is really sad and a hard thing to talk about but I have seen so many relationships end badly because they were based on circumstamces. Circumstances change. Make sure that you are on a solid foundation and ready for whatever life throws at you especially in relationships because nothing is guaranteed. Love is hard to find…make sure that you find it for the right reasons….money is tempting but it will always fail you…it may make life easier…..but that doesn’t mean that it makes it better. 

Girls- Get your career…make your own foundation…never rely on another person for anything. Never say that you want to be a stay at home mom and not have a backup plan….always be able to support yourself, you will be MUCH happier in life.