Prison Letters


Since I was a young girl, I have gotten phone calls and letters from my mother who has been in and out of prison my whole life. When I was younger I didn’t grasp the entire situation. When I got married at 19 years old, I visited her in Florida when she was out for a few weeks. that was the first time she had me drop her off at a hotel as a prostitute and she actually conned me into believing that she was visiting an old friend in town for an hour. Then I put two and two together when this felon of a mother who just got out of prison bought us dinner that night with a stolen credit card…felons dont have credit… That was the first time I actually got to meet and understand her. Since then she has been in and out with charges of grand theft auto, drugs, and prostitution.  She has sent me letters constantly through all of her imprisonments. I did research and looked her up online and found out my heritage. I had written her back and forth now and then to an extent that I could handle. When I went through problems in my marriage that led to my divorce and struggled with my own hurts I was in a very unhealthy mental state for a while. I left contact with her behind and I asked her not to contact me again. I told her that I forgave her and that I felt bad for her but that I needed to take care of myself. since then she has sent other eple to contact me. I have been contacted by her friends in drug rehab centers, past drug dealers and prison mates and recently the daughter of her current prison mate.

I struggle with the fact that she has been such a burden to me in my life and there is nothing I can do for her. Everytime she gets out she tries so hard to make things right and ends up right back where she started. a part of me has compassion because from a medical standpoint I see that she is just sick and needs help. another art of me feels a sense of devotion because she gave birth to me, then the realist side of me reminds me that ALL she did for me was give birth to me. She told me the story of how she was raped and beaten all the time and I was not a planned child etc. I do not let that change my opinion. There is such a fine line between enabling and encouraging. I struggle to find that balance. Today I was contacted by a woman who just got out of prison and was given my information by my mother before she went to prison. I have not given her my new address nor told her where to find me, it worries me that she tries so hard to contact me. It makes me paranoid and secretive aboyt where I live. I have had the most random people contact me write me and show up at my doorstep trying to reach out for her. I am at a loss and I am not sure what more I can do in this situation. I know there are others in my situation, yet it is so frustrating. I have tried to completely cut her out of my life yet she still finds a way to locate me. Do I give in and respond to the person she sent to contact me today and stay in contact with her for the remaining 5 years of this current sentence, or should I change my number again and maybe even my name one more time to finally get away?

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