Chapter 1: Sneak Preview of my autobiography

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1

 

 

 

The Adoption

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There I sat, a four-year-old girl, in a dark room filled with heroin needles, lighters and walls covered in blood.  As I heard the sirens and shouts, confusion and chaos, I knew that something was about to happen and things were about to change. I heard voices on megaphones coming from outside in the front yard letting us know the house was surrounded. The door was kicked open and the raid began. As my 10-year-old brother Brian tried to hide me in a closet, a tall, thin, dark haired female social worker came between us and took me from his arms. Our mom lay drunk and full of heroin on the couch not able to comprehend what was going on in her own living room. The police stood around and went in and out of rooms. There were many arrests made that day. The people who were always hanging around in the house with us were finally taken into custody and I was taken down the front steps by a police officer. As they put me in the social worker’s vehicle, I kicked the dashboard of her car. I was screaming to be let out. I turned and looked through the back window as we drove away. I saw my mom stumbling down the steps confused and finally becoming aware that I was being taken away. I watched her being pulled back in and handcuffed by a police officer. My brother got out of the arms of the other social worker and chased the car down the road until the police officer grabbed him and held him back.  That was the last time I saw my brother Brian until I was 6 years old. That is one of the earliest memories I have. That moment is one of the recurring dreams and flashbacks I suffer with today.

 

 

 

That day I was taken to the Department of Social Services. I stayed in that facility for a few weeks until a foster home was found for me. Being so young it is hard to recall the specific events surrounding my time in the foster care system. I can just remember different children that were my playmates and adults being around us showing us how to clean up our toys in the common areas. What I did know was that none of these children were my brother so I was very hostile toward the children there. I remember being put in time out a lot for how I treated the other children. I was a troubled child.  I can see why I struggle with temperament issues today. I remember the day that they brought the prospective family over to me. The social worker told me that these people wanted to bring me to their home with other brothers and sisters to play with and that they would love me and take care of me. I remember thinking such a naïve thought that being in a home with fewer children than I currently was around would give me access to more toys that I wouldn’t have to share.

 

 

 

When the family walked toward me I saw a seemingly happy husband and wife. I couldn’t care less about the story that went with them. All I wanted was someone to love me and to give me a home and I wanted a chance to get out of there to see my brother Brian again. I walked to the gated window with the social worker that was in charge of my case. The new parents were standing on the other side of the window completing their paperwork.

 

 

 

All I could think of is that this may mean that I may get to see my brother again once I got free from that place. I had no idea what kind of situation I was getting into, nor did they.  These parents that I went home with had 6 other children at home and I was the last child they brought home. They had chosen to foster and adopt only special needs children. I was the 7th special needs child they had chosen. I was deemed special needs because I was born to a mother who did drugs while pregnant with me. I had attachment disorder and night terrors and I was hard to control. The anger outbursts I had towards the other children deemed me to be a special needs child as well.

 

 

 

I lived with this family for the next year and had many meetings with social workers and several evaluations by psychologists. The choice was made for this family to keep me. At the age of five years old there was a court date and I was officially adopted into this family. The next two years were strange and full of experience. There were various days of visits at the court house from my biological mother, supervised of course, and by the time I turned 6 my biological father was allowed to bring my biological brother to visit me at my adopted parents’ house. My life was complete as long as my brother Brian was coming to play with me and to be a part of my life again.

 

 

 

At that time in my life I went by another name, a name given at birth, my first alias. My name at that time was Melissa. My biological brother Brian would call me Lisa. To this day the people in my community who knew me from the time I was adopted still call me by my first given name. It is weird to hear that name spoken. It is surreal. It reminds me of a distant past.  It is hard to explain to people today why my name was changed. It is the first question people ask when they find out about it. My new adopted parents were trying to protect me from my biological mother. Communication with her was cut off after she was taken back to prison.  I still turn my head every time I hear someone say Melissa. That was my name. That was who I was. It is hard to undergo a name change like that. At such a young age, it was hard to understand. It led to me questioning things later in life about who I really am. I struggle enough with figuring out who my “real family” is let alone who I am and what my name really is. To me, I feel more comfortable with Melissa. That is who I really am. Legally my name is now Rachel. Each time I write it or say it, I still feel as though I am hiding a part of myself.  I met a man on a plane recently and when he asked me my name he looked at me funny when I told him that my name was Rachel. He told me that name didn’t suit me and he asked if I ever went by another name. When I explained to him that it used to be Melissa, he smiled and told me that was the name that suited me. It is hard for me to go back and forth from the people who knew me as Melissa, who still use that name while talking to me, and then the people in my later years call me Rachel. It throws me back and forth and I struggle with what my name really should be.

 

 

 

By the time I turned 7, one of my older adopted sisters had run away from home and no one has seen her still to this day. I didn’t blame her. If I had the means and understanding I would have run away from the situation we were in, too. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t fair. It was more uncomfortable than anything. Two years after I lived there, the two oldest twin brothers moved out at age 18 to try and find their own biological family. I was left in this new home with two brothers and a sister. They were each severely mentally disabled. The older sister had a traumatic brain injury from a car accident before she was adopted into this new family. The other two brothers were drug babies as well and the oldest of the two had fetal alcohol syndrome and was his own mess of a person.

 

 

 

As the months passed, I noticed my adopted mother being gone more and more and my adopted father was always gone at work.  I thought maybe she was out looking for her other daughter that had run away. That is the only thing that made sense in my mind at the time. I would try to help in my own way by watching out the windows everyday waiting for her to come back home. Finally the answer came to why she was always gone. That year I was told by my adopted mother that she was going to leave my adopted father and she was going to be moving into another house. She told me that when I saw the judge at the next court hearing I needed to tell him that I did not want to stay with my adopted father and the rest of the children but that I wanted to move in with her. I was confused and had no idea what was going on.  My adopted father, on the other hand, was telling me to tell the judge that I wanted to stay there with him and the other children. She would tell me terrible things about my adopted father. She told me that he never spent time with her because he didn’t love her and that he didn’t spend time with me because he didn’t love me either. She wanted me to choose her side. At 7 years old I didn’t understand why my adopted father didn’t love us. It made sense in a way because he was always working.  I had started to believe her.

 

 

 

I remember my adopted mother coming to the house while my dad was at work and taking boxes of things to her van. She let me help her carry things out. She said she was giving them to families in need. I figured that I was helping her do something good. I didn’t understand at the time what she had me doing. Looking back I see that she was taking things to her new trailer. Her and her boyfriend were moving into a local trailer park. She had me helping her with it not knowing what was going on. When I found out later in life, I struggled with anger towards her for a long time after I found out what I helped her accomplish. I blamed myself for the hurt that my adopted father faced through the divorce because I felt like I helped her hurt him.

 

 

 

On the day of the court hearing to determine who would get custody of me, I remember standing in front of the judge and saying that I wanted to stay with my dad. I didn’t understand at the time why I was saying that but I knew that my dad had told me to say it for a reason. I can clearly remember the hurt in his face that he carried around with him. It that was the sad look of someone that needed help but was too afraid to ask. I had a sense of helping people even then so I knew that staying with him was the only thing I was capable of doing to help him. I remember the look of anger in my adopted mother’s eyes when I made the decision and I didn’t understand her reaction. I thought she was mad at me. It made me feel like the divorce was all happening because of me.

 

 

 

Now that I am older I look back at the situation having learned the truth about what was going on. My adopted mother was having an affair for 6 years during the adoptions. Her plan was to adopt until she got the daughter that she always wanted. She told me that she waited years for me. After adopting me she planned on taking me with her and running off with the man she had the affair with.  I was angry at first after finding this out and I felt resentment towards her for a long time. I felt bad for my adopted father because he was married to a woman he loved who had always wanted children. He personally never wanted children. He was willing to adopt us 7 children because he loved her and wanted his wife to be happy. He worked 16 hours a day to support us all, not knowing that at the same time she was planning her own life on the side. She claims she left him because he was never around because he worked too much, that she was lonely and wanted a new family and a man to love her. In his defense the children she adopted were the reason he had to be gone to work so much. Her actions were not justified and in no case do I believe that an affair should ever be justified. I do see that my father worked a lot and I understand now that it wasn’t his choice to work so much but in order to support us he didn’t have any other option.

 

 

 

I lived with my adopted father and two special needs brothers and one special needs sister for several years after my adopted mother left. Our adopted father worked all the time so we basically raised ourselves. We had visitation days with our mother. She had to come to our house when she wanted to see us because the man she lived with had five kids of his own and he didn’t want us coming to their trailer.  Mondays were the days she would visit. The visitations I looked forward to were from my biological father and brother Brian. They would come to visit me at my adopted father’s house twice a week and my biological brother would stay a couple days at a time with us. I was content just being able to spend time with Brian. To this day I am grateful for those days and those moments I shared with him. When I was 9, my adopted sister ended up moving out when she got married to another special needs man. My adopted mother got married to the man she was having an affair with when I was 9, as well. I was left in the house with two brothers. Those days spent with them were not easy for me as a young girl. I still wonder if I can blame the two of them for the things they did to me during that time or if their disabilities leave them blameless. Either way, I struggled for a long time with the difficulty of forgiving them. I will get into further details about what they put me through later in the book.

 

 

 

After my adopted parents’ divorce, my adopted dad would leave for work and I would be left with the two special needs brothers that were 6 and 10 years older than me. I went through years of physical and sexual abuse with the brothers as my dad went off to work.  It got to the point where they would bring the neighbor boys over to “play” the games with me as well. As a little girl I didn’t understand what was going on and what was normal and right or wrong. I subdued those thoughts that came back through the years until recent years. I have finally been able to emotionally face the challenges I went through. The sickness in my stomach radiates to my heart and I feel broken, abused and poisoned to this day. I grew up thinking that the things that were happening to me were just normal things that all the other girls my age went through. The older brother is now running around with the circus after having two children with mentally handicapped women from our neighborhood and leaving the state. I haven’t heard from him in years and now that I am finally facing what it was he did to me, I choose never to contact him again even if he does come back around. There is no telling what lies in the mind of someone like that. When my adopted mother’s new husband finally let us come visit their trailer, I would stay for weekends with them in the trailer park. I made many friends there that told me they faced a lot of the same challenges in life that I went through.  I finally had people my age to relate to. People at school made fun of me when I would stay there and the other girls called me trailer trash. They didn’t understand what I went through and I could care less what they thought because being in the trailer park, I found friends who hurt in the same way I did. I felt a sense of belonging there.

 

 

 

To this day I have never told my adopted father the things that happened to me while he was away at work because I don’t want him to blame himself for never being around. I don’t blame my adopted father for the things that happened to me. The only reason he was never there is because he had to work two jobs to support the kids that he had adopted for the wife who he thought was going to help raise them. I know so many people today that suppress the hurtful thoughts like I did. People bury the feelings and emotions that go along with sexual abuse and they pretend like it never happened. I learned that unless you deal with the emotions you are burying, they will eat you from the inside out. It is painful and embarrassing to admit that these things happened. I hated bringing them up when entering recent relationships but if I didn’t bring them out into the open I would never be able to live a normal life. The person you end up spending your life with needs to know the trials you have faced so that they will understand when you have breakdowns and panic attacks at random times. The person you choose to spend your life with should know you better than yourself. You can’t get help unless you admit that you are in need.  I am the last person to ask for help, but when it comes to issues of deep emotion, we all need someone who can pick us up from our hardest falls.

 

 

 

 To order the book Here is the website: 

Image

 

http://www.createspace.com/4271634

 

 

20 Signs You Really, Really Hate People

This made me LOL

Natalie-Kay-Es-El

1. The idea of getting your ass out of bed, dressing up and stepping out of your front door is just

Michael scott no

2. When you take public transport, you can’t help but think:

theres-too-many-people-on-this-earth-we-need-a-plague

3. You’re on your way to meet a friend and then you get a text from her saying she’s brought a tag-along.

This is your reaction:

dont need another friend

4. You find yourself praying that plans get cancelled all the time.

cancelling plans

5. When you get invited to a house party, you pray to God they’ve got a pet so you can act busy and not interact with actual human beings.

6. When people tap you on the shoulder, or try to do that cheek-kissy thing that white people love, or touch you in any way:

you-dont-know-me-like-that

7. When someone whips out a camera and everyone squeals in delight, you’re just like:

Robert Downey Jr Pained Photo Taking

8. You loovvvveee the internet. And the invention of mobile phones…

View original post 319 more words

MY Halloween GUEST BLOG VIA whathappensinvenice.com

In the season of Halloween, people dress up and play with the idea of ghosts and hauntings. People will dress-up and play the part but anytime you mention the idea of ghosts or the word paranormal; people put a guard up and get defensive and turn their ears off. The thought of ghosts or spirits outside of our site makes people nervous and hesitant to acknowledge the possibility.

Since I was a child I have been researching the supernatural. It always intrigued me that there is a spiritual life outside of our human dimension. I had grown up in church so I believe in the presence of both good and evil. As a young child I dabbled with witchcraft and the dark ‘powers’ so to speak.  I came to find out very quickly that the spiritual realm was real. I experienced many paranormal experiences.

I was so intrigued by the stories of the Salem witch trials that I took a road trip last summer to see the city of Salem, Massachusetts. That was quite the experience. Just driving through town, you could Almost touch the Spirit layer. People were dressed as witches and warlocks. Half the stores in the town were witchcraft stores. That was a town that believes in the dark side. The lofty glances from an outsider walking through town were not well hidden. The town was small and eerie. I visited the cemetery where the witches were buried. These women were killed and punished for practicing witchcraft. The question of whether or not their powers were real is beside the point. These womens’ bodies are laying there beneath the ground after being hung and burned for the thought that they possibly practiced evil.

I work in the field of medicine and see a lot of different people that come into the ER in crisis. Many times these patients get put in the psych facilities and diagnosed with psychiatric conditions and medications. I see these people and half the time I say to myself “this person seems like they’re possessed”.  Spiritual nature of disease is not something that is highly looked upon in the medical field. That is part of the reason that I chose not to be in mental health nursing. I disagree on the orientation of half of the diagnoses. They give no light to the fact that the supernatural exists.

A story that I have recently in my life proves my point. My niece had a rough childhood growing up. My brother had left the state to work with the carnival and left his daughter and wife here in Detroit.  I wrote more about this in my autobiography, Taking Back The Pen, which goes into details about what went on behind the scenes in this scenario. (You can order a copy here now,http://www.createspace.com/4271634 

My niece is currently nine years old. When she was seven years old she was put on an antipsychotic medication for schizophrenia. I was not happy about this decision, because that medication alters the brain. In a growing young girl, that alters how her brain will ultimately function. She had gotten taken away from her mother and put into a foster home. At this new home, she was having nightmares and not sleeping through the night. She was being very harmful to the other children in the house. The foster family was having a hard time dealing with her.

They brought her into the doctor’s office to see what was going on. When the doctor asked her how she was doing, she told them that she wasn’t good.  When the doctor asked her why she wasn’t feeling good, she said “my friend is scaring me and he’s not treating me very nice”. The doctor asked her to clarify what she meant. She told the doctor that her “friend”, has been telling her to kill the children that are in the house with her at the foster home and then to kill herself. The doctor asked her what friend she was talking about. She said to the doctor “when I was five years old my mom and her friends were doing a séance in our living room trying to talk to my grandma. When they did that, our living room table lifted up and fell back down and broke all the legs. I was scared but my friend came up from behind me and put his hand on my shoulder and he told me that everything was going to be okay. He said I didn’t have to be scared and that he would be with me now. Since then he has been there to talk to me and tell me what to do sometimes. If I get scared he told me he’s there with me.  Sometimes he’s very mean and tells me to do mean things.  But that is where he met him. Nobody else can see him.  He is my friend”.

When the doctors heard this they immediately diagnosed her with schizophrenia.  When they put her on medications I was not happy about it. I called her mother and I asked her about the scenario. I didn’t tell her why was asking, I just asked her if she had done a séance in the living room when Jenna was five.   She told me that the story was true and that it did happen and it scared them so much that they have not practiced witchcraft since then.  With that, it was clarified to me what was being dealt with here. The friend that Jenna was referring to I believe was a demon. The doctors do not acknowledge that as a possibility, so instantly they diagnosed with schizophrenia and gave her mind-altering medication. She continues to have night terrors and her ‘friend’ continues to bother her.

To me it is very clear that when they opened up the portal into the spiritual round, they let Demonic powers in, and one of them chose my niece. I still struggle with the fact that for the past two years she has been taking these medications.  Medications will not cause the demonic powers to leave her.

So many times in the field of medicine I see this scenario. Nobody sheds light on the fact of the possibility of demonic possession. There is good in this world but there is also evil. In the Bible it talks about the power of good and evil. In the book of Ephesians chapter 6 verse 12, it says “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the principalities, against the powers and against the spiritual forces of evil in this dark world.” That right there has always proved my point that we are amidst the spiritual realm in our daily lives.  We have all walked into places before that have not “felt right”. We have gotten bad vibes from places. There’s something higher than us that gives us those feelings.

Once people start to acknowledge the fact that there are ghosts among us and there is a higher power above us, our eyes will be opened and things will make more sense.

The next time you get goosebumps…..take a minute to think about what is going on around you that may be causing this phenomenon. We are not alone.

Rachel Fischer is a 24 year old from Detroit, Michigan, an emergency medicine RN and a sexual assault forensic examiner. Rachel has overcome many trials in life, is a public speaker, hosts groups to empower and motivate women and wrote the recently-released autobiography,Taking Back the Pen, which focuses on overcoming adversity and remaining resilient through life’s struggles. She utilizes the unconventional life she has been given to promote an atmosphere of hope and endurance. Her positive outlook on life shows people their trials can give them purpose and meaning to their lives. CLICK HERE to order her new book NOW  www.createspace.com/4271634 

 

A Long Lost Poem

Heart spill

It hasn’t always been this way

I wish my darkness would turn to day

I need someone to hear me

Someone please set me free

Each day brings a new disaster

It seems my heart is beating faster

Why can’t anyone level with me

Am I the only one struggling and down on one knee??

I didn’t have to believe the lies

The pain and sorrow continued to rise

This temporal fun came to a rough end

I thought that I was just becoming a good friend

Why did I fall down so low?

Why did I let my values go?

Now I can only look back in regret

The things of my past I will never forget

The people I hurt the lives I messed up

I should have made better choices growing up

They told me once they told me twice

I didn’t listen or take their advice

I went on in my sin and shame

I didn’t want to take the blame

My conscience seared my spirit quenched

In constant tears my heart was drenched

I need to escape I need to be free,

There was one who came to talk to me

All he said when he whispered the words was..

Its okay my child, GOD UNDERSTOOD!

 

Written in 2005

Dating 101

Image There are two types of people in this world when it comes to relationships; those who are single, and those who are not. The question of which group is happier is tossed around many times. In both scenarios it seems that everybody is always looking for the grass on the other side of the fence. When married or in a relationship the thought can come up of; what if I were single again…would I have more fun? Then those who are single will wish that there was a significant other to “complete” them.  I have heard many versions of this scenario on both sides.  I have been married so I have been on that end of the spectrum. Now being single I appreciate both sides. When it comes to being single and starting to look for that “significant other”, there are some simple guidelines to follow to do it right the first time so that you don’t end up like myself and so many others who were, married and single again. I prefer to not use the term “divorced” but rather “single again”. 

Disclaimer- Any relationship you get into will either end in marriage or a breakup. You will either end up alone again or stay with that person, so the more people you date, the more you face this simple truth. 

RELATIONSHIPS: 

Rule #1- KNOW YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES

   If your end goal is marriage or a long term relationship, then you need to be honest with yourself about what you are looking for in a relationship. There are many things in a relationship that need to be discussed before getting too deep into a relationship. If you find out on the first date that somebody does not ever want children and you do, then you got lucky and you didn’t waste a 2nd date. That is just one example but a big one. You need to make sure that you cover your bases so that you don’t waste anybody’s time. the way to do that is to make a list. On one side put the things that are preferences and then on the other side write the requirements (non-negotiables). You have to discipline yourself. Non-negotiables are simply that! You can not change your mind on these because the person is perfect in every way but one. Eventually you will find who you are looking for but patience is key. Soo many good relationships are lost because of a sense of urgency to be in a relationship. So get a pen and make a list of what you want and what you don’t want. It will narrow your choices substantially. Know your value and know what you deserve and never settle for less. 

Rule #2-  BE WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR SEARCH AREA

   When I say search area, that is not implying that you should be out searching for a mate. It will happen when it is supposed to. In the same breath, It will not happen if you are sitting at home watching soap operas and dreaming of the perfect date. In order to meet people you have to have exposure to other people. So many times people will go to a bar or a particular place that they hang out every week and expect to meet somebody there. The problem with this is that if you are always looking in the same place then you will always meet the same type of people. If you have not been satisfied with the people that you have been meeting then maybe your “normal spot” is not the best place to look. You have to be willing to try new things and new places and you have to be willing to meet new people. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is the best thing you can do for your future. you have to know what type of person you are looking to meet and then go from there. start hanging out in paces where that type of person would generally be. 

Rule #3- WHEN YOU ARE READY TO SETTLE DOWN MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT SETTLING

   It is easy to settle when you find somebody who meets all but one of your personal requirements. There is NO RUSH it is important to take as much time as you need. If the person you are potentially going to marry really is the one, then you will be spending the rest of your life with them. If that is the case, then why rush the dating process. Make sure that you are getting exactly what you want. Know your worth and know you deserve the best. If you rush things or sell yourself short then you will not be happy. So often this happens and we end up settling. One thing that may be taboo is the fact that you need to date many people before you can really know what you want/like. It is very true. There is a difference between dating and being in a relationship. It is a bad thing to be in a relationship with multiple people; That is obvious. It is a good thing to go on dates and learn about new people. Be clear with people that you are dating and that you are not ready to commit yet. Never commit to the first person that you date either. As long as you are open from the start, it can not be held against you later. Don’t put blinders on, be open to people around you. enjoy the dating scene. it can be really fun. Even the bad dates turn out to be really funny stories…we all need some of those. It is all a part of the experience. 

GOLDEN RULE: NEVER LOOK FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO FULFILL YOU! 

 Fulfillment must happen before you are meeting somebody with a relational intent. If you enter a relationship at 50% the other person will never fill you up or satisfy you and you will always be lacking. Know who you are and what you stand for. Be happy with yourself because you are truly the only person who will ever be able to do so. ……..MOST IMPORTANTLY- Have fun with it!  

HAPPY DATING 

MVC: Status update

With my recent updates on surgeons etc, some people have been asking what is going on with my health, so here is a status update: July 25th I was T-boned by a guy who ran a red light going 55mph. I have not been working in the ER since the accident.  I was hoping to be back by this week but a recent MRI showed that the source of my hip pain was a Labral tear. (The labrum is an important part of the hip, it holds the cartilage in place as well as maintaining fluid pressure in the hip. with a torn labrum the pressure seal is lost so the hip easily goes in and out of place and there is bone rubbing on bone.)  When I was T-boned, I was hit on the right side of my car so at the time my hip dislocated/relocated which is what caused my Labrum to detach. The surgeon I saw on Friday told me that there was no way that this would heal without surgery. He also said that if I do not get the surgery I will probably need a hip replacement in 10 years.  SO needless to say, I agreed to the surgery. What this means is I will need 4-6 weeks of physical therapy before the surgery to get my right shoulder and right hip better before then. After the surgery I will be non-weight bearing on my leg for a month. I will be in a hip/leg brace for 3-4 weeks and then I will have to do 2 months of physical therapy after that. In a perfect world if all goes well I will be back to work in 4 months. 6 months after the surgery I should be back to normal activity….It will be a long road, and a humbling experience for me. I don’t like to ask for help or to sit still. This will definitely be a learning experience and a time of growth. I will post updates as the surgery comes up.  The Day before Thanksgiving is when the surgery is scheduled for :/

It will give me plenty of time to plan a backpacking trip through Europe for when I am better! 

Want Free Drinks? The honest truth

Want Free Drinks? The honest truth

When one goes to the bar with friends, there is a “game” that some people play to get free drinks. The girls will get all dressed up and flirt with guys around them to get the guy to buy them a drink. The guys are looking for a girl who is wiling to take a drink and sit there and talk with them in hopes of “getting lucky” later. In my younger days I played the game often so I understood the benefits and the risks. There was a particular skill in doing so. Through the years I have learned my lesson and I have found that there is more harm than good in allowing somebody else to buy you a drink. When the guy buys you a drink, you don’t just walk back to the group of friends that you came with. You are now expected to stand there and talk to him until your drink is gone. It just gets awkward. In some situations you can walk away and say thank you. Most times though, by accepting a drink you place yourself in a very uncomfortable situation. The guy that bought you a drink will think that you are actually interested in him and he will ask for your number and continue to follow you around the bar. After talking to some guys, they feel that when they buy a girl a drink that they now have “dibs” on her. It is a sick game.

What I have discovered is that if you are going out with friends, you should never let a stranger buy you a drink. Not only are you at risk of being drugged (which I have experienced) but then you are in a situation of owing somebody else your attention. It is always best to buy your own drinks and make your own decision on who you want to talk to:

Women- Make your own money and buy your own drinks. As charming as it is to have somebody offer to buy you drinks, it does not pay off in the long run. How much is your time worth? I would rather choose who I talk to and pay for my own bills rather than allowing somebody to have the idea of control. Our minds work different than a mans and it can get real awkward real quick.

Men- Keep your guard up. It may be a kind gesture you make, or you may be looking to get a number or a relationship of some sort. Truth is: 9 times out of 10 the girl that you buy a drink for is NOT interested. You will be wasting your time AND money and it just gets awkward for both of you. You want to find a woman who works and holds her own. If you still want to buy her a drink…..don’t follow her around…you just got duked and she most likely wants nothing more to do with you. Unless you are out one on one with a girl- it is a waste to buy a girl at the bar a drink.

Honest Truth