Searching for Siblings: Adoption and Reconnections

Some people have conventional lives, mine is quite the opposite. I have embraced the unconventional life that has been given to me. Each day it gets more and more interesting. Many of you who know me, you have read my book already; Taking Back The Pen.  In the book I wrote about a biological brother that I had met a few years back for the very first time. We both shared the same mother. Our mother was a prostitute and got around the country often. He was born in Florida and I was based in Detroit.  At the time I first met him he was 18 years old and old enough to reach out to his biological siblings.  I was 22 years old.  The first day I met him was when my husband at the time told me that he was seeing somebody else and that our marriage was too far gone and that we needed to file for divorce.  I had been in bed for over 24 hours and I was stuck in a depression. I received a phone call from this biological brother that I had heard about and never met. He said that he was an hour away from where I lived in Detroit. He was very distraught and said that he came up to vacation with his girlfriend and when he got here she left him at a hotel. He was calling me in a dark point of his life where he needed my help and e was ready to meet me. He had never met me so it was hard for him to reach out and ask for my help. I was torn. I wanted to meet him but at the same time my personal life was falling apart. In that moment I got out of bed and went to him. I got to spend quite a few hours with him that day until his adopted family came from Florida to pick him up.  We bonded right from the start and it helped me to get out of my rut and gain an interest in my biological past that I had been removed from.  It was a sure sign of strength to hold back from him what I was going through and be a strong big sister to him when he needed me. A year later I flew down to Florida to visit him and he took me to Disney World for the first time. That was a great time and we got to know each other for the two days that we spent together.  We have kept in touch through the past few years of meeting each other and he just came to Detroit with his adopted mother this past week to stay at my place for a couple days and get to know me and to see where I grew up.

 It was very interesting how alike we were in many different ways even though we have spent our whole lives in two different families. Luckily for him, he was adopted to a great family. I told him how happy I was for him in that aspect because the family I was adopted into was almost as big of a mess as the one I was taken out of.  His adopted mother is a therapist and is the perfect mother for his case.  The things my brother and I  struggle with mentally and emotionally were the same. Our interests, likes and dislikes were very similar as well. There is always the nature vs. nurture debate, but in this case I would have to argue towards the nature end of the argument. We are blood related and have only spent less than 72 hours together and yet we have so much in common. When we spent time together it was as though we grew up our whole lives together.  When I showed him around Detroit  we met random people around the city. Everybody was shocked when they heard our story. It feels like something off of a TV show. 

 I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to connect with my heritage these past few years. For a lot of people the emotion of bringing in the biological history after being adopted is too much to handle. I would highly suggest seeking counsel if you are in my situation and you are looking to connect with your birth family. It is an amazing endeavor but yet it comes with its own struggle. The reality checks come in of, “ who is my real family?”, and “where do I belong?”

I personally have never felt that I belonged anywhere. I have always had a curiosity of where my roots were and who my real family really was. The most stable of a family that I ever had was when I was married. My in-laws were my family for a solid 5 years. Having a stable family is probably what kept me in a failing marriage for so long.

 During the time that I was married my husband’s family would tell me to let my past go and that it wasn’t healthy for me to reconnect with my biological siblings. I am glad that I still pursued meeting them rather than taking their advice. They promised me that even through my marital struggles they would remain my family and be there for me. I was once again abandoned and disappointed when the divorce finalized because they are no part of my life anymore and have dismissed all contact with me. So in my case; my biological seeking of family is all I have right now.

 As of right now I have my half sister (from my dad’s side) in Florida who I am headed to meet at the moment, I also have two 14 year old twin brothers in Florida, (whom I will be going to visit next week), and then my 21 year old brother who just came to visit me.  My mother is in prison at the moment and I will debate if I want to communicate with her again when she gets out in 4 years.  Life is interesting and each day is a new adventure!   If you want to know more of the story my autobiography is available at 

http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Back-The-Pen-Predestinated/dp/0615874436

Keeping Sex Complicated

My friend in LA…So good!!!!! Love the heart of this chic! SOLID

Forte E Bello

Couple Kissing in BedI am a twenty nine year old virgin. I live in LA, which hi-lights that fact about ten fold. I live in a city where sex-appeal is everything, sexual addiction prevails and where your sexual history is directly correlated with your identity. I live in a city that is the porn capital of the world and that teaches the rest of culture through the influence of Hollywood and the media that sex is easy, uncomplicated and nothing more than a human appetite. Since I’ve moved to LA, the most common reaction I get from friends and coworkers when they find out I’m a virgin is a blank stare followed by an abrupt, “Why?” I realize most people assume there must be something wrong with anyone who is still a virgin past the age of twenty. It’s the type of thing they’ll interview you on Oprah for (The Thirty Year Old Virgin

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