For the longest time I have been struggling with the fact that I cannot cry. With as much trauma as I have been through, tears just don’t seem to come out anymore. The pain of not being able to cry is worse than actual physical pain. With this recent hip surgery I was in the worst physical pain I’ve ever felt. I was hoping that during that procedure I would be able to finally cry. When I woke up in a lot of pain no tears came out and I was just angry. The fact that my apartment caught fire and I don’t have a place to live right now did not make me cry either.
Tonight as I sit alone in the house in the suburbs away from my city of Detroit that I love my Bible study continued as it does every Tuesday in Detroit. I received a text message from a friend saying that they missed me. Then I received a message saying to get ready to face time. The last thing I want to do is be around people in my state of distress. I cannot walk. I am in a hip brace. I am in a ton of pain and can’t even get around on my own. But those people from my Bible study that are meeting tonight decided they wanted to face time me. When I answered the phone I saw faces of the people in my neighborhood group. These people have become my family. They went around the room and all waved and talked to me through FaceTime on our iPhones. I was trying so hard not to cry while this was happening. Then the pastor asked me what I was struggling with most. After I told them my biggest fears thoughts and concerns that are on my heart right now they prayed for me through FaceTime. Even though I am almost an hour away I still feel that I am a part of the group. I didn’t ask for them to contact me today…. But yet they knew that I had surgery last week and they noticed I wasn’t there this week so they reached out to me and blessed me in a way that touched deep within. My heart has not been the most positive during all of this but I have been trying to keep my chin up. That showed me love. Even when my attitude may not be the best God still used them in my life to bless me and show me that I am not forgotten and that there is a higher plan and a bigger purpose to all of this. That support group right there is the reason I can make it through every trial I face. I am constantly reminded that I am not alone. God said in the scriptures That He will never leave me or forsake me and that He will work all things together for the good to those who love Him. And He says He knows the plans for me plans to prosper me and not to harm me and that He will give me a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
With that being said, after I hung up the face time chat with my neighborhood group Bible study from Detroit while I am out in the suburbs healing, I set the phone down and I finally cried. They were tears of joy! Tears of thankfulness and tears of hope… There weren’t many … but there were tears. It was a breakthrough that I needed. I am so blessed to be a part of Woodside Bible Church in Detroit Michigan. Being adopted its not easy to not have a real family so as you go along and find out what family really means… It has a greater meaning than what is normally expected.