Dating: Is there a standard timeline?

When people begin to date somebody many questions go through a persons mind. We look at the person we are dating and we ask ourselves, “are we wasting our time or can this relationship work out”? we ask, ” Are we compatible, can I marry this person someday?” These are a couple questions that go into starting a relationship. My opinion is that if I cant see the relationship going anywhere, I will stop it before it starts so that nobody wastes their time. Any relationship that you end up in will end up in marriage/commitment, or a breakup. It is inevitable. When you are into a dating relationship it is easy to put timelines on certain things or set up guidelines. To make the decision that you are going to wait 6 months until your first kiss or to say that you cant get to know somebody and who they really are until after the first 6 months is a fallacy. it changes with every person you date. I do believe that time does tell, but I also believe that it should never be cookie cutter and that each scenario is relevant to each person. You should not determine that you will not marry somebody until a certain number of months have passed or till specific guidelines have been met. You are limiting fate. We think it is crazy when people get married after 6 months and we tell them that it is too soon to know the person. But really, who are we to decide another’s trust level with another person. 

An example would be, if two people are dating for 6 months and they see each other 2 times a week for dinner and they are in an exclusive dating relationship they will take a while to get to know each other.  If two people meet and go on two dates and plan a trip together, if they go away on a cruise for a week, they are having breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, as well as staying the night with each other and spending the in-between times together that is the equivalent of how close the other couple has gotten in their dating of several months. Both spend equal amounts of time together but the trust milestones will be different. The couple that spent a solid week together will be as close and bonded as the couple who has been dating for 6 months……if the couple who went on a vacation together gets married sooner, society may say that is too soon to know somebody, but; Is it?

In a relationship there are certain trust milestones. At a certain point when you feel comfortable with a person you start to divulge information that you keep a secret from society. When you start to trust somebody enough to talk about these things, your walls begin to come down and you begin bonding. That is the trust process. Trust is crucial to any relationship. With two different people there could be two separate timelines for when those trust milestones are acheived. does that mean that you are “more destined” to be with one person rather than the other, no. All it means is that the timeline of trust barrier breakdowns is different. That is why it is important to not hold yourself back or set a timeline in relationships. Each person you meet will be different. And NOBODY will ever be perfect for you. There will finally be one person who you can learn to compromise with and build a future. There will never be anybody that is perfect for you. That is a myth and it is not realistic. That delays so many relationships because we build this fassad of looking for the perfect match. When you love somebody, you have to compromise and sacrifice because true love is sacrifice.  Key points: don’t judge any relationship but your own, don’t limit yourself; have fun. Enjoy the process. The best person to ask advice from is yourself. You will know better than any of your friends what is best for your own life. 


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