Life is short….How do you spend your “dash”?

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend,
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From beginning to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth. . .
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars. . . the house. . .the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard. . .
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile. . .
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a while.
So, when your eulogy’s being read
With your life’s actions to rehash. . .
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

– Anonymous

One of my favorite poems with such a great message.. thought provoking!

Please Help–HOPE and a FUTURE: PAY IT FORWARD

Please Help--HOPE and a FUTURE: PAY IT FORWARD

As many of you know I published my autobiography this past year. It is a raw, organic story that tells the ugly side of my past with the explanations of how I turned it into success. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, it is available to order online at http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Back-The-Pen-Predestinated/dp/0615874436
IF you have read it, I am asking that rather than letting the book sit on your shelf, please pass it along to somebody in your life you believe can benefit from reading it. I didn’t write it to sell a million copies or for the fame. My intentions in publishing it were to bring hope and change in peoples lives and to inspire those who struggle in life….which is ALL of us. I want to get my story out there so people are not afraid to open up and seek help when needed. everybody has a story! Please pass my story on and continue to love people and appreciate stories because we are all walking through life together.

If you have not ordered it yet, please order one and read it yourself and then pass it on to somebody in your life who you feel may benefit from it

Sex: The Market Value

If you’re having trouble getting into a relationship with somebody where you want to get to know them first before you have sex you may find that this is hard to do. Relationships and dating are more complex these days than ever before. Values are being lost in translation. Emotional barriers have been put up that makes sex seem like an everyday task that has less meaning. Boundaries have been dropped because they’re not taking into consideration by the partner anymore. Women feel in many cases as though they need to have sex in order to keep somebody. That is quite the wrong way to start off a relationship. Anybody who’s been through several different relationships can trace back the reason. Most times it comes back to the fact that you had sex too early in the relationship. Once you enter that physical portion of the relationship is hard to go back to square one and start the basics. There are now expectations. There is a reason for this. Sex has gotten cheaper. It can be traced back to simple economics just like anything else. Marriage rates in the United States has hit a low. The revenue of the online dating industry is at an all-time high which is $1.049 billion. Romantic relationships are becoming more complex to navigate these days. Less couples are moving their relationship towards marriage. Marriage is getting delayed.

Sex can be looked at as an exchange each person involved is getting something from the other person. At face value, it may appear that they are giving each other the same thing; Intimate access to each other’s bodies. But there is more going on than meets the eye. Men and women both appreciate sex. Studies have indicated that men and women experience sex differently though. On average men have a higher sex drive and women do. It may be linked to testosterone or whatever other factor thrown out for the reasoning for this, but men are more sexually permissive than women,they instigate sex more than women and they connect sex to romance less often than women do. That’s just the way it is. That doesn’t mean that’s the way it supposed to be. Women tend to have sex for reasons beyond pleasure. Women’s motivations for sex tend to be, expressing love and receiving love strengthening there commitment affirming their desirability and relationship security. So when the exchange happens and men want sex more often than women do women use sex as a resource and the women decide when it happens. So when the women have the reigns in the relationship it comes down to pricing.

Women have something of value that men want badly. Something that men are willing to sacrifice for. So how much does Sex cost for men? It may not cost them anything more than a couple drinks and a coffee or a nice date with respectful attention or all the way up to a commitment with shiny diamond ring, meaning they will be together exclusively. But the prices vary widely between relationships. In some cases women give it away for nearly free and others it’s a high demand such as the engagement ring. So if women have the rains and have so much power why don’t women charge more? The answer is because it’s not entirely up to women. The market value of sex is part of the whole social market exchange system in society as a whole. From an economy standpoint, if you will, where men and women learn from each other. Women learn from magazines,media and friends what is “supposed” to be expected as an exchange for sex. So that brings sex away from being a private matter between two consenting adults. It is more of a basic supply and demand. When supplies high the prices drop. Since people won’t pay more for something that’s easy to find. But if it’s harder to find then the price goes up. In our current society, men know that sex is cheap these days. As long as they know where to look. We got to where the market of sex has dropped so drastically because of technological shocks that have altered the market. Inventions such as the birth control pill have allowed men and women to have sex without the fear of an economical setback such as a child. This lowered the cost of sex. Before contraception sex in a relationship took place as individuals were trying to find a mate. Someone to marry. Sex didn’t mean marriage, but a serious commitment was a common requirement and it was geared towards marriage. Since the olden days all the way till now, dabbling in sexual relationships means the possibility of having babies. The original purpose of the birth control pill was to prevent pregnancy. The data now reveals an unexpected side effect; it throws the mating/marriage market into disarray. Having sex and thinking about marriage have become two separate entities.

There is now a split in the market. One side of the spectrum are largely pursuing marriage while the other half is pursuing sex without the risk of having babies and not creating a family. There are more men looking for sex then marriage and there are more women looking for marriage rather than just sex. Language of online dating reinforces the reality of the split market. Men tend to write that they’re looking for fun while women right that they’re looking for marriage. They look for only serious inquiries and no games. This dating market causes a big problem for women. They certainly call the shots when it comes to short term sexual relationships, because they have as many men in their courts as they want to be because the men are always looking for an easy sexual relationship more commonly than they are a marriage. This allows women to be more selective in the short term relationship scene. But the reverse is true when they want to settle down. The options are not as endless. We tend to hear about man’s lack of commitment but the blunt reality is purely economic. Women massively outnumber men in the marriage market which means men can be picky about which woman they want and they can insist on sexual relationships before the commitment. Men are in a position to maximize their reward. And they can invest fewer resources. Why do men do this? Because they can! This agreement and unspoken pact from the past of a higher market value of sex has vanished. In this new world where having sex no longer means babies and marriage becomes optional. Women no longer have each others backs and now they’re each other’s competition. When women compete for men they tend to do so by appealing to what men want. Which means they give into sex sooner. And here’s what women have wrong about men. Men are not afraid of commitment at all. While women hold the keys when it comes to sex the deal is that men are in the driver seat in the marriage world. They can navigate it exactly how they want to. From marriage to fun to planning to fun to marriage to fun. Men’s virility doesn’t expire a certain age as women’s does. So what’s the rush for man? Talk about having the upper-hand! So it’s no surprise that now the average age of marriage in the United States is continuing to rise. The ages of people between the age of 25 and 35 getting married is continuing to drop. There are factors that contribute to each of the trends. Young men are failing to adapt to contemporary life. When attractive women will still go to bed with you, And give you sex for practically no commitment or effort.

Life for a man just isn’t that bad after all. Because men tend to behave as well or as poorly as the women in their lives permit them too. Economists have said that women working together on this task force would be the best way to bring the price and value of sex back up and to get control of this sexual imbalance. This would raise the market value of sex for everyone. But this is not seen among women today. Not yet. If women gathered together and demanded a higher market value for sex and relationships we would be seeing more impressive relationship status. There would be longer relationships, more commitment, and more longitudinal relationships. There would be fewer premarital partners. For a woman to know what she wants in a relationship and to let the man know clearly, this is her power and economy. But these things are not occurring. Because today the economics of sexual relationship clearly favor men And what they want even if what they are offering in the initial exchange has diminished. And it’s all thanks to supply and demand.

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FIRE!!! Losing everything and gaining perspective

I experienced my first fire!! The past month of my life has been quite a learning experience. My apartment caught fire the week before I had hip surgery. All of my belongings had to be removed from my house and repairs need to be made on the whole apartment and nothing yet has been started on the repairs still to this day. What I was left with was a backpack of clothes to get me through a week. My first priority was, where I was going to live. I was blessed to have been offered to stay at a friends house during the repair time of my apartment. The fact that I had hip surgery on top of it and have not been able to walk has only complicated things. I have needed a lot of help every day due to the disability.

In the past three weeks since the incident not once have I been lacking anything. I have enough clothes to get me by each day. I only have a backpack full of stuff but it is more than enough. As I think about all of my belongings in my apartment that were removed by the fire restoration company, I wonder how necessary all those belongings are. Everything I owned the clothing the knickknacks the books the toiletries and anything I have bought in the past are all boxed up and attempting to be restored at this time. Part of me thinks about things here and there and I wonder if this particular item will ever come back to me or this particular item will be able to be cleaned. In the bigger picture I look at the last three weeks and I have to remind myself have I really needed those items I am worrying about? I look at all the things I have and all the things I collected over the years and when it comes down to it they are only material items. I have been just fine without them. I have been living minimalistically with only the things that I need and I have not suffered once. In my situation I got lucky that everything was not burned to the ground during the fire and only smoke damage was done. In some cases people lose everything they have ever owned. For me, this was just enough of a loss to allow me to gain insight, because most things were salvageable, to remind me of what is important in life.

I want my goal to be to live the minimalistically. I have learned that I don’t need very much to get by. So why go out and buy one color of everything that I like or the latest and greatest version of anything I own. I have been Americanized and spoiled. Don’t get me wrong; nothing I have just come easy to me I have worked hard on my own for everything I have. The take-home is that I don’t need everything I have. Some people may never experience a fire to realize how quickly everything can be lost but I encourage you to re-approach the idea behind why you have what you have and why you buy what you buy and where your efforts can better be spent for a better purpose. That is one of the many lessons that I’ve learned through this fire experience. If I had two backpacks full of belongings right now instead of one I would still have too much,because I have been living fine with just one. So then; what is necessity and what is comfortability??

#detroit #fire #autobiography #liveandlearn #liveminimalistically #shopping

To read my autobiography “taking back the pen” on my crazy life experiences and wisdom gained visit:¬†https://www.createspace.com/4271634

 

 

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